dave barry explains the stimulus

dave barry is one of my favorite all-time columnists. here he explains the stimulus package:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

full article available at the miami herald, where he’s been writing ever since i could read his stuff.

zito is in the pen

 

the worst starting pitcher in all of baseball (0-6) and the highest paid pitcher in all of baseball ($126M) is the same man. i’m not proud of his affiliation with the san francisco giants, although i do hope he can bounce back this season and help the giants. matt cain was sent to the pen last year and he came out better than when he went in.

“I’m certainly not happy with it, by any means,” Zito said. “But this is the bed that I’ve made. I have to lay in it for the time being and I have to overcome. I trust management and I trust what their decisions are.”

at least he’s sacking up and taking it instead of being a wuss about it. if he was still in the rotation, i probably would have checked the paper before watching my next giants game to make sure he wasn’t pitching. hey – tickets are expensive!

barack obama plays basketball

saw this youtube vid of barack obama playing basketball. if i was on the fence between obama and clinton, i’d probably choose obama because he looks like he can play at least decent ball. he scores some plus points for the left hand shooting, but also gets some minus points for the thin, tight pants he’s wearing in the game.

countdown to weekend links

these stories should pass the last hour of work on thursday before it’s officially the start of the weekend.

interesting graphical comparison of different moods in your life [wallout]

random man in australia is distracted by google earth cam and crashes his bike [kensington]

detailed photolog of men unpacking a new apple iphone – very well done [flickr]

i wonder if the sound of the airplane engines drowns out loud sleep apnea-level snoring by passengers [singapore air]

wired readers chime in on prescription drugs they take  regularly to enhance their work performance [wired]

happy friday all!

using the right words

now, i can’t say i’m an expert at writing. for one thing – i usually don’t capitalize letters on this website unless i really want to emphasize something. also, in the course of the day chatting with friends, i might mistype a word like villanous instead of villainous. considering villainous is a 10-letter word, that’s not so bad. when you mispell a 5-letter word, though, it’s time to get some help:

on that note, you have to tip your cap to the peeps that type up the closed caption words that stream across the tv screen. they’ve gotta transcribe in near-realtime to help those whom are hard of hearing. i can’t see how the mistake below would sneak in, though – as there’s not really  any word that is even close?

maybe it’s not a mistake? just seems highly unlikely.

daughter might get the license tomorrow

everyone be on the lookout for a giggling 16-year-old on her phone in the fremont area, honking her horn and weaving in the lanes as she frantically flips through the presets on the radio between 94.9, 102.5 and 106.1 sometime after 9am pacific time.
at least when she passes her test, she’ll get a legitimate license, unlike this guy:

note to jose pacheco – use a picture of only yourself in your fake drivers license.

humpy day filtered news

here’s some pre-filtered links if you’re wondering when friday will be here:

some cool business card designs. i like the 3rd from the top – a set of lock picks [crazy leaf]

worldwide signs lost in translation a little bit [asylum]

so maybe it lowers the risk of cancer, but it doesn’t mention the increased risk of blindness [bbc]

i wish i lived back in the day to see hottie flight attendants in miniskirts [darkroasted]

army units under increased stress – see suicides at all-time high. can we just get the F out of the middle east? [yahoo]

go giants!

on sunday, the girls were headed out for some girly stuff and so marc and i went to catch the giants game. the weather was 78 and sunny, even in the city, so what better way to kill an afternoon than by watching the suddenly resurgent (albeit, a micro-resurgency) sf giants.

i was first greeted with the price of admission to the game – $29. the oakland game i had gone to prior was only $15, only because it was a preseason game as i had later discovered. $29 to watch a baseball is kind of a lot, especially if i have to start paying for 2 tickets because…

so marc and i headed to the gate with the 1 ticket in hand for daddy, since marc is 2 so he’s free. the ticket collector wanted to see marc’s ticket but i told him that he was 2 and he should be free. here’s what ensued:

ticket guy: where’s the ticket for the boy?

me: he’s only 2, he doesn’t have a ticket

(slight pause and furrowed brow)

ticket guy: sir, it’s obvious the boy is older than 2

me: (disbelief) what?! he’s 2, and kids 2 and under are free

ticket guy: if he was 2.5, i might let him slide, but he’s obviously older

me: (turning to marc) how old are you marc

marc: (meek 2.5 year old voice) two-and-a-half

ticket guy: well, i’ll let you slide this time, but next time bring some proof or something

me: (whispering) sit down clown!

i’ll make sure to bring a birth certificate with me next time, even though that could be forged too because there’s no picture attached? maybe we need the real id, like those people at the airport? considering that i will have to buy a ticket for him soon, i don’t know if i can do $60 ballpark days as often.

anyway, i almost caught the john bowker home run in the 4th but missed it by maybe 6 inches. it hit some guy walking by on the forehead – he didn’t even see it coming. ouch! i had thought my catch attempt was more manly that it was. i caught it on the post-game show back at home in HD and it showed a pretty sissy jump by me. i could have had marc a souvenir.

oh yeah, the giants won.

warriors lost last night

they’re pretty much done for the season. the first quarter went really well and the fans were into it and then over the last three quarters, iverson, camby, melo, and jr smith punched every warriors fan in the gut with their performances, even the babies. on paper, the nuggets seem to have a better team, and the warriors just seem tired. bleh. i also think the nuggets have a team tattoo artist because almost all of them were done up.

suicide prevention links

since the warriors lost last night’s game, we’re doing all we can from jumping off that bridge. these links might at least delay you a little bit before you jump too:

play super mario bros in a browser window [nihilogic.dk]

pretty cool stitching of a bunch of pics to make a little movie [vimeo]

housing subdvision in the shape of the starship enterprise [google maps]

tilt-shift photography gives new perspectives on common views [portfolio]

say you had an annoying passenger next to you on a plane. just reach for your laptop and browse to this site. lift your hands as if praying and maybe chant something unintelligible. it ought to shut him up good [countdown]

warriors vs nuggets tonight

in case i hadn’t told you, i will be at the warriors game tonight vs the nuggets. it’s such an important game for so many reasons. they are both battling for the 8th spot in the playoffs. if the warriors and nuggets were to finish tied in the regular season, the first tiebreaker is head-to-head record, of which right now the nuggets lead 2-1. if the warriors win, then they tie up the season series and we now to go conference record as the tiebreaker. on that note, the nuggets are up one game there, too. so…the warriors basically need to win this game to make their bid for that playoff spot much stronger. if they lose, then denver is in the driver’s seat and will probably make it in.

if you try and call me tonight, i wont answer because i won’t be able to hear you over the sound of how awesome i am for scoring these floor seats for this game.

i also printed out a few baron davis paperbeard’s, but forgot them at work!

little consolation this weekend

THE GOOD

the stanford lady cardinal make it to the ncaa women’s championship game by beating uconn behind candace wiggins 25/13.

THE BAD

zito gets hammered again to start the season 0-2 with 6.30 era. his salary is more than the gdp of some small countries, yet he can’t seem to get the outs. i think he would be pretty good at silver stadium, though.

THE UGLY

the warriors lose to the hornets on sunday to stay just out of the playoff race. it seems like they’re getting tired the last few games here, shooting terribly and seemingly out of gas.

the only consolation here is that i am going to thursday night’s game vs the nuggets, a team they are in direct competition for that last western conference playoff spot. i could only secure floor seats for the game, so i’ll have to make do. if you didn’t read that right, i do have floor seats for thursday’s nationally televised game in oakland.