so, the arizona legislature signed a new law into the books last monday to try and stem the tide of illegal immigrants into mexico. arizona is the busiest border crossing point and the government is on the hook for lots of costly services to the illegal immigrants, like if one of them gets hurt and has to be taken to a hospital for treatment.
the latest bill would make it a state crime for anyone to not have their alien immigration paperwork on their person. it would also require police to question people about their immigration status if there is reason to suspect that they are in the country illegally. that’s pretty easy – just ask every mexican you pull over.
just as in terrorism, the drug war and healthcare, we are treating the symptoms and not the problems. why not punish the businesses with a $250,000 fine for hiring illegal immigrants? that won’t fly because the companies lobby the government plenty to keep using their under-minimum-wage workers and help their bottom line. no one in the arizona government wants to hold the local businesses accountable, because they’ll just pack up and move to another state is less stringent.
in a previous post, i made fun of the shake weight. this past saturday, snl did their own bit to recognize how ludicrous this product is. i don’t know whether to feel proud that i beat snl to the punch by a couple weeks, or ashamed that i thought of it right away when i saw the commercial, which shows how dirty my mind must be.
IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
–Hugh Gallagher, NYU
don nelson is now the winningest nba coach of all time. the warriors beat the bucks last night with their skeleton crew and gave don nelson his 1,333rd victory, besting lenny wilkens. he probably could have reached it faster if his good teams stayed together. it seems that the warriors lost a lot of good players because of some combination of nellie’s style of coaching or bad gm moves (or both).
yet another reason fox news should be ashamed of themselves. rachel maddow shows some good footage about exposing the real story behind that ACORN “scandal” within the last couple weeks. even california attorney general jerry brown has cleared ACORN offices within california of any wrongdoing.
(you know with a screencap of a pimp, it’s something you have to watch)
imagine if the right-wing can do something productive with their time instead of setting up fake stings that don’t really uncover anything? they were talking about this for weeks after the videos were released. i was concerned when i watched the videos at first, but i was fooled, just the same way that the rest of america was.
rachel maddow is more respectable to me than the fox news type like hannity and beck. her wiki says that she graduated from stanford, was a rhodes scholar and also has a Ph.D. i was curious about glenn beck so i went to his wiki. i tried to find his educational background, but couldn’t find it. it’s because he doesn’t have any. he is a HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE. i was also curious about sean hannity and his wiki says that he ATTENDED COLLEGE (not graduated).
i wonder what made castro valley’s rachel maddow choose a tv and radio career, but i’m glad she did so she can set straight clusterf*cks like sean hannity and glenn beck.
it was a great day with the family at the oakland zoo today. the boys were excited to see some animals up close, and it was nice for alyssa to hang out with us on a rare weekend day off from work.
we topped it off with a trip to fenton’s, which was surprisingly empty for a weekend day.
-> npr review of the new book detailing the rivalry between magic johnson and larry bird, starting in college and continuing into the nba. the lakers and celtics combined for 8 titles in a 10-year period [npr.org]
-> the new nissan leaf looks pretty girly, but it’s a completely electric car with a 100-mile range [nissan]
-> i almost didn’t want to post this because of its graphic nature, but you may have read it already.
-> if you suffer from epilepsy and seizures, do not visit this website in a dark room while playing heavy-bass electronic music [bestiario.org]